We are what we are exposed to

Someone once said that the person we will be in five years depends on the books we read and the people we associate with. I suppose that in today's world we need to add additional sources to this list, such as the movies, TV , and all the other forms of electronic information coming into our world. Still I like the idea of reading a book once in a while. A friend of mine gave me a book the other day and I got into last night. The book is called THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. The author is Don Miguel Ruiz. I haven't finished this book yet but I liked the premise. The Four Agreements are:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Basic and straightforward guidelines that make sense. The book goes into greater detail. I recommend it.

Role models

I was hoping that some of you might contribute a story or a remembrance of a man in your life that made a difference for you. I have several men in my life that have helped me to be a better man, my Dad, my brother and my brother-in-law Chuck. Today I would like to share with you a
little about Chuck. My sister Dorothy is twenty years older then me and Chuck was a few years older the her. They were already grown and beginning their family when I was just a kid. I had the opportunity to observe my brother-in-law through my teen years and I think that as much as anyone in my life he played a key role in shaping how I would one day develop as a father and as a man.
He was flawed and drove me crazy sometimes but I have never known a more dedicated father. He was an insurance executive for many years and his job demanded that he travel and entertain clients as well train and mentor agents. But these duties didn't seem to keep him from making it to music recitals or Little League games. His family was his priority. He was a good Catholic and instilled the virtues of a strong religious life in his kids. He spent time with his kids and with me as well and I appreciated the interest he took in my life as I was growing up. He was a positive male role model in my life and in the life of my niece and nephews.
As the years past Chuck hit a few ruts in the road and began to drink more then he should. This caused problems in his marriage and he and my sister divorced. I believe he was able to shake the drinking problem and put things back together. By this time I was living in another state and I lost touch with Chuck. One day I got the call that he was very sick and by the time I got a chance to arrange things to get down to California he was gone. At his funeral I said a few things about how much this good man had meant to me. It was there that I learned that during those years when we had lost touch, Chuck had moved to Sacramento and taken on a position with the Catholic Charities and had been very successful in raising money for the Church. I learned that his Sacramento memorial was expected to have several hundred people in attendance. This made me very proud of him but didn't surprise me. He was a good man.

Thanks to those of you who have decided to follow my blog. I would love to hear some of your stories about the men in your life that have made a difference for you. Please add any thoughts or stories to the blog.

I have been asked if I could define what "a real man" is made of. Here is my best shot. A real man is responsible. He does what he has to do when he has to do it whether he wants to or not. He takes his obligations seriously and his word is his bond. If he says he will be there he will be there. If he signs a contact he lives up to the contractual obligations. If he fathers a child he provides all the support necessary to raise a happy healthy child. Not only financially but by spending time with his children and being not just a father but also a dad.
A real man does not put his family and others at risk by drinking to much. He never drives after drinking and or using any kind of substance and he refrains from indulging too much on anything that may effect his judgement. He takes a leadership role in his family and in his community. He never hits or harms anyone. If challenged and forced to defined his family or himself, then he responds as necessary. He votes and participates in his government and his community.

He respects women and does his best to understand them. He conducts himself with dignity and lives an honest, honorable and trustworthy life. Seems simple doesn't it.

individuality

The young men who are twenty five to thirty five have come of age during a very dynamic and rapidly changing time. Dynamic in the sense that they are part of the information age and have at their finger tips more sources of sensory input then any group in history. Computers, ipods, cell phones, video games and TV bring in multiple sources of entertainment and distraction. Rapidly changing because those who provide these sources are constantly searching for new and different ways to cash in on the tremendous market which these young men represent. But it seems to me that all of these sources of information and entertainment have been successful at creating a culture of players not doers. One of the things that I learned as I was growing up was that a man should seek his own course and strive to achieve a level of success based on his level of ambition. I have noticed a distinct lack of ambitious young men. I grew up believing that a man should be an individual and often heard the phrase "rugged individualist" associated with the American male. My concern is that our society and specifically those doing the marketing, have decided that creating a nation of clones is more profitable than a nation of individuals. Moreover, the political elements find it easier to control us if we act and think in predictable ways.
My father and his generation, often referred to as the greatest generation, believed in the concept of individuality and yet often sacrificed everything to protect their families and their country. These men weren't perfect but we have much to learn from them.

An observation - not passing judgement

As a guy in my fifties I have come to the realization that as a society we seem to be producing young men who are not clear about what it means to develop into a mature, responsible man.

I have experienced this first hand through my own interactions with today's crop of young men and have heard complaints from several of the women in my life that the young men they are meeting simply don't seem to want to grow-up.

With this in mind I have decided to create this forum as a way of addressing this issue and discussing with others what they consider to be the fundamental elements and characteristics which come together to create a good responsible and dependable man. I believe that for a society to endure good men and women must step up and take the reigns of leadership from the previous generation and meet the challenges that spring up on their watch.

I will let others debate the stature and substance of the young women of today my concern is with the development of young men. I am concerned that my generation has done a poor job in preparing those who are destined to follow us. I will be discussing some of the issues that I believe may help and I am asking any who read this blog to pass on their thoughts and stories of family members such as grandfathers, fathers, uncles or just real solid men you have known or know. I am most interested in your thoughts concerning how these men impacted your life and why you believe we need such men in our personnel lives and in our country as a whole.